Break a banana tonight, Ricky (as they say in moooobusiness). We have plenty more ( the chimps have done a roaring trade from Evan Rachel Wood -$13 a banana-[James Cordon Show joke] our spider-silk link must REALLY have been down THAT night;)
Tonight is a new category The Golden Windows awarded for outstanding achievement for inclusivity and recognizing the outstanding achievement of fauna in our industry. Thank goodness Warren Beatty isn't up here otherwise we'd be announcing Brad Pitt! :) NO…we love you, we love you. We love you both. Prayer hands (with flippers). I do see some markings on the envelope but our accountants Mice, Waterrat, Bandicoot assure me all is above water. Uhh, yes well, you know what I mean. See: it isn't easy up here in these ‘Christmas trees’. Something to be said for mole-link.
[rustle of leaves and cocoon thread]
Katie Kangaroo for It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Artemisia the Aardvark, Cover Girl
Syd the Salamander, Don't Look Now!
Ocean the Ostrich, Wings of Desire
and Cindi the Crocodile for I Guess I'll Have to Change My Plan.
And the winner is:
P.S. "The A.B.I. is currently investigating a number of animal suspects involved in extorting fruit and vegetable goods and services from humans", spokes Fruitfly Flint. In the case of Evan Rachel Wood, the 'fruit-mailer' turned out to be an out-of-work actress friend of Ms. Wood's masquerading as a chimp and no further action was taken. We believe the said actress must now don a Disney costume in Orlando Florida for six months in the summer. Summer-stocks!
Why Richard, it profits a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world. . . but for Wales!
I remember a performance of Robert Bolt's play A Man for All Seasons -a teenage cow in Germany.
Terrible production (maybe not so in retrospect was it Ruth MooHaus?) but when that cow uttered: to give his soul for the whole world. . . but for a chicken coop and an udder! There was 30seconds silence as he stared at the blood on the straw.
All of the above was written before the awards ceremony began (for those who need to know)
Postscript from a Kitten in (location concealed):
Mr. Gervais seems like a very nice, funny, man. I knew a greengrocer who threw food at me. But he didn't mean me any harm. And never hurt me. And always left some cream in a bowl. Summers aren't very kind to cream. Winter blessing. I'd never had cream before.
I was a bit sad that Mr Gervais ended the awards as he did. Not that I'm a showcat (my owners are a bit). I learnt a lot of new 'language' from listening 'round the corner to the stray black tomcat. He would never meow to me, though. That's OK. I think he was very sad as well and wanted a home that didn't disrespect him. And hurt him.
I'm not quite a kitten anymore, but still love dressing up. And love all the beautiful flowers all the human actors wear. All my friends made fun of me dressing up. And one day I started doing karaoke Moo songs. They pulled my tail and threw me in a cowpat.
I once met a lion who had escaped from the local zoo! Wow! I was very, very frightened. But I think he was too. It wasn't quite a 'meet', I was hiding under some newspaper. He came so very close. I thought that I had deceived him. When he left, I saw that he'd taken some other newspaper, put his paw in some mud and placed it on the newsprint. Then he smeared some more mud and drew some whiskers with his claws.
A year later, I saw on the human news that he had been shot having escaped again. I guess he was very frustrated. I'm sure that the zookeepers were very gentle to him, though.
I think you are a very nice man Mr. Gervais. Not all humans are always very nice are they? I saw some children throwing rocks at the squirrels. Then I saw a human boy….it was so so horrible…
I think that you believe in something. Not something far far away but very close by. I am far too young to know what that something is. But I know belief can change things. I want to be that cow that changed things. That made life better for both animals and humans.
Am I just a silly little kitten that likes dressing up?
my owners have arrived home. Must go.
… mooHaus
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