Cats all over the world are starting to withhold petting rights for their owners given the deplorable portrayal of cats in the new movie CATS. An un-purred source: "we grew up on the song Memory. Our hopes, dreams for our friends from 'the alley'. We love Judi Dench: our owners would sometimes play BBC re-runs all through the night. But this is just dog-ploraball! "
Dear dear Cameron Mackintosh. Know what is interesting- so many of my esteemed colleagues in the UK never ever saw Cats on stage! Admittedly it (somewhat inevitably like most greatness became a cliche of itself and ….) I was heartened by one writer who saw it opening night in London and loved it. I too saw that production and loved it (not the same night, of course, I'm still young…! ish..in cat years)
Poor director Tom Hooper. I'm sure it all seemed cat-astic rather than yawn, catastrophic on 'paper'. Ask a cat about strophes they’ll meow.
So DEAR CAMERON (writes one wise old feline from New York:) what you should have done was enlisted David Attenborough, David Leveaux, Jack O'Brien, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Julie Taymor and the ghosts of Nora Ephron for your movie. What were you not thinking of us all?! K**** Litter to CGI ! Sounds like some pharmaceutical company that killed the 'cat grass' medicine in the 1st place thence to make a fortune out of ignorant cat owners. ! So suck the Kitty Oscki! Truth must be held accountable! Oh, that sounds like a Joe Biden line. Ummmm…purrrrrr...
It's a great story Betty Buckley tells of her research into her Broadway feline Well you just go find it. You think we all grew up eating off a name-plate! And what's wrong with walking a cat! Hmmm! You think I like that offing dog getting all the attention! I have the right to shit under a tree as well! (Should be an NYC ordinance shouldn't there be Grizabella? Grizabella? No no don't bow out now, you're the only one who knows Coppola. Strange nip-fellows I know but hey…how bad could it get? We need the movies to survive as a human race ! (thanks for that one too Joe Cat;)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lY4sbTgrbRM
so many great cat stars….
We curl in a bar and purr ’til 2….
How can we get to the past if we don’t dig a little. The present has such a rough way of treading on it.
Then, agin, thank Wittgenstein (of course purloin-ng from Vietnamese Nietzsche) thank agin.
Meow! I get it- OK, the reason that we haven’t met is that they think I’m a dog?! (He) did not answer the question did ‘he’? “I could never be with someone who likes DoggiDuchamp -it’s clouds illusions….no,no,no!” A metaphor for cats flippin’ ! See the great DuChat retrospective at The Kitty. Never trust what you read in The Whiskers Gazette - Chatlatante be ‘sparrow-ed’!-always gives me a furball sitting on that rag.
“I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly.”
Woof! Meow! Woof! Meow! Woof! Meow!
Meow, Woof….
well, of course, there is a mooo….but whoo ever remembers that……
one must be balanced in one’s reportage unlike Whiskers waffle….so:
CREDIT ROLL…..
final out-take blooper:
A cow with glasses moseys onstage and begins to sing:
MOO-LIGHT, ‘ot a sou’d o’the pasture...
A casting director in the stalls politely stops the audition.
"Apologies, U% Moo, that was very very moving and, umm fascinating. It's it's it's not quite what we are looking for though. You are one of the great great cows out there and we are so lucky to be present with you here. Ahhmmm, we heard amazing things about your Volksbühne Cows and Prejudice and of course, Cow's About a Romance on Broadway. Uh, and, of course, Cows in Kansas…..well ,we all need the money don't we…:)! They are maybe writing a new song for Sound of Music next year. I'll put you in touch. …Oh! and Ricky Gervais loves cows…you should, have a milk with him. Or…
U% Moo looks horrified shits a giant cowpat on stage and exits.
Dissolve to The Metropolitan Moopera, curtain rising. U% Moo emblazoned on the backdrop. 100 cows begin to sing: MOO-LIGHT, ‘ot a sou’d o’the pasture...
Anthony Tommasini's review in The New Yorker is catstatic.
….
P.S.
Mr (U%Moo) Moovoren's movie of Cows in Texas, a searing, scathing black comedy about the mistreatment of livestock in Texas for both financial, political, and intestinal gain went on to win 12 FaunKademy Awards and became the highest grossing moovie of all time. He was accused of spreading foot and mouth disease in America, fervently denied. He willingly subjected himself to humiliating medical examination. Time and time again. No proof was ever discovered. Mr Mooveren died emaciated not trusting anyone except a goat he had known since birth. A caring gazelle orderly respectfully snapped a shot of their hooves touching on his bed of hay.
Moo at the Mootropolitan Opera sold out solidly for 45 days. Another record. A moore diverse crowd that venue had never witnessed in its history.
An 1,000 a cappella moo choir sang at his funeral.
Where the enormous choir cow pat shat, a forest of trees grows now in Moo's memory. He always questioned the grass.
A year after the funeral The Moo-Man CowPat Chorale was formed. Their version of Moo River went platinum and is now heard all over the air-waves every Christmas. It is also a favorite in Japan, where each year in Hokkaido a Moo Fest is held and Japanese rabbits dress up as, guess what..?!
Five years later, NASA launched a probe to Saturn's moon Enceladus. To date it is the only space vehicle to be named after an animal: Moovoren 1
As for Billy the Goat? Well, that's another story…
[No humans was harmed in he making of this film, only the bruising of their egos.]
